THE LINKSMAN 2008

HELD AT LITTLESTONE GC

12 AUGUST 2008

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be never so vile. This day shall gentle his condition. And gentlemen in England now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

It seems unlikely that the Great Bard, even in a moment of prescience, could have had Littlestone GC in mind when he penned these words, but surely these are words that could be written on the writer’s epitaph ... but more of that later.

The annual Linksman event conjures up images of bleak windswept coastal conditions and this year’s ferrago of entertainment did not disappoint; an appointment with destiny was duly fixed at Littletsone GC, which will hold qualifiers for the 2011 Open. After an initially excited take-up by six wannabes, the participants fell away like Monty going for a major - as if they knew a force 8 gale was “in the wind”. Paul “workaholic” Barnes played the responsible employer card, whilst mysterious injuries claimed Nicky “Dicky-knee” Mukherjee, and Mike “Flat-back” Davis. That left David “Linksy” Aspey, and Paul “Thongy” East to accompany the writer.

The omens were not good at 5:30 am that morning when nervous tension interrupted the writer’s sleep and he looked out on a water-logged Piltdown GC; the weather forecast did not lift his spirits either, and after a couple of “Oh no, it’s Hayling Island 2007 all over again” texts to his follow combatants, the writer duly set his Sat Nav to Littlestone GC and put the car in autopilot whilst he contemplated the day and how he would conquer the links ... or not as the case may be. After driving through driving rain through most of East Sussex and Kent, the clouds mysteriously parted and the sun shone down. The wind however started whipping up like a kettle coming to the boil.

Unlike its 2007 predecessor (Rye GC), the members of Littlestone GC extend a warm welcome to guests, a fair breakfast was served up at its “sister” club (Romney Warren GC),

and after ever-so-‘umble apologies were Heep’ed on the lady assistant secretary, we were duly given permission to play as a 3 ball.

With the concentration of an osprey fixing on its prey, DA went through his pre-shot routines and calmly stood over his ball at the short par four 1^st hole and the Linksman 2008 was underway. A slight slice with a mid-iron left his ball on the right side of a generous fairway whilst PE and HO both took irons, but the wind factor made its first tentative impression on the day, as HO’s gentle 2 iron rolled and rolled and rolled ... all the way to a green side bunker. Nonetheless a respectable sand shot and a near miss left HO with a par 4, a stroke up on DA and PE and the Linksman was firmly underway.

With the wind behind, the front nine played short and relatively easy, and the fairways were amply wide enough; DA foozled a few but kept in contention, whilst PE’s trusty 5 iron off the tee left him well positioned on almost every hole and ensured good scoring. However, it was HO who, after an inauspicious top off the tee on the par five 7^th hole, and a wedge to lay up before the brook, belted seven hells out of a 7 iron, sending it off 30 yards left of the green and out of the line of sight into the cross wind, to discover to his lasting glee, that it had swung right round on the linksy fringe and green to end up just 9 foot below the pin - and with hoops and hollers he made the only birdie of the day.

After nine holes, HO stood on +5, to PE’s +7 and DA’s +8.

As we turned into the wind, it was like walking through a portal to another universe. The par four 10^th hole found us with the wind squarely in our faces and it took at least three lusty blows to get near the green. HO’s double bogey 6 looked like a match-winning score against DA’s 8 and PE’s 9. Sadly though, it was about here that events “took a turn”. Whilst PE smashed a driver into the wind and onto the 12^th fairway (stroke index 1), HO’s 2 iron soared majestically ... into a pot bunker just 150 yards from the tee. Three shots to escape and more shenanigans saw HO’s fortunes take a dive as he made 9 on this hole whilst it was PE who made a superb 6.

Meanwhile he that they call “Linksy” silently stalked his prey; avoiding 9’s in austere windy conditions, DA put together a string of well played holes, whilst PE battled valiantly and HO leaked more and more shots.

As they came to the signature par 17^th hole, there was just one stroke separating all three combatants. Every classic links course seems to have a hole like the 17^th at Littlestone which is its signature hole. 182 yards may not seem much on the card, but into the teeth of a gale, to a small green, surrounded by 2 foot long rye grass flattened by the wind towards the tee box, it presents an opportunity to write your name into the Linksman history books or to crash and burn. In case that was not enough, the sardonis greenkeepr had placed the pin on the edge of a precipice falling back down about 15 feet in length, and 10 feet in altitude, to the fringe of the green.

It was DA who applied the pressure with a sweet 2 iron spearing at the pin; it landed on the top level of the green and appeared to have left him with a modest birdie putt, but some backspin and a little wind put paid to this as the ball fell back down the Precipice of Perpetual Doom to leave him with a difficult chip or putt back up the slope. PE mis-hit a 3 wood short and left whilst HO took driver and appeared to hit a reasonably safe shot just off the right of the green into the safer side. PE and HO both hit provisional drives which were worse than their first strokes. After a full and generous 5 minutes looking for these four balls of PE and HO, none could be found and they duly went back to play 5 off the tee, having unwisely decreed this would be a medal competition. All the players then chipped up on to the green and the hole seemed to be moreoreless over ...

PE putted across the green, a few inches to the right of the hole, where it rolled and rolled and the wind took it over the Precipice to the bottom of the green. You would think that HO would have been wise to this by now as he approached his short putt straight back down the green ... but no, he made the same error, the ball slid by the hole and he found himself at the foot of the Precipice. PE managed to chip back up close to the pin, leaving HO alone at the foot of the Precipice. With his bag on the far side of the green and only putter in hand, HO now embarked on what can now only be regarded as his Darkest Hour. He putted ... and putted ... and putted the ball back up the hill, but the harder he tried to hit it, the more it fell short, and the ball kept coming back to his feet. It may have been 7 or 8 putts later that PE finally took pity and threw his wedge down to HO. Finally HO chipped the ball back up to the plateau and holed his putt. Generously his fellow players marked him down as 15 strokes.

With HO taking 15 and PE taking 9 on the par three 17^th, the way was clear for DA to claim that most elusive prize of all to him ... the Linksman. With an exemplary victory lap up the 18^th, DA duly claimed the title for 2008, and soaked up the glory on the 19^th hole in the Littlestone GC clubhouse, a little windswept and sunburnt, but with a big fat grin. He was duly presented with the nearby Spa’s finest offering – some Irish Whiskey – and proceedings came to a close.

A few snaps from the day can be duly viewed at our Snapfish site here