Minutes of the Hearty Hoorahvians (#1 of
2009)
The Day that Desperate Dave Crunched the Credit
Venue: West Hove GC
Date: 6 March 2009
Hobbo
Harv
Needy
Nick
Desperate
Dave
‘Ard
up Andy
Pennliess
Parker
Tone
Dole-by
“Giz-a-job”
Jim
Absent
friends: PB, PE, AF, PK
Ah, what financial woes
have befallen the once flushed followers of the Hoorah since we first teed it
up in 2004. Those days of exponentially increasing excesses with money no
object are but distant memories as the credit crunch bit hard into our
collective war chests. The year began with a plaintive cry from Easto giving
grave notice of his possible absence in ’09. But be of good cheer! The
throng is thriving as we welcome to his debut full year of knavish japery,
Warlord Tierney and Smokin’, Jokin’ Capt Panatella Boyle. Yes, none other than
the Capt of the Club was playing host to our first outing of the last year of
the noughty decade. On behalf of all us, Andy, I would like to thank you for
your hospitality esp. keeping the green fees down to £15 ! What value,
particularly as this is the one course in the region that can be played when
many others are waterlogged.
The day before there was
bad news for Nick and his family. Your golfing buddies all extend their
heartfelt condolences. As Robbie, the Baird, Burns once said ...
“But mousie thou art no thy lain
In proving foresight maybe vain
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Gang aft t’ gley and leave us nought but
grief and pain
For promised joy”
What a bundle of laughs
Burns was. Lest we forget, there are only 2 known antidotes to bad news; golf
and good company. Luckily, The Last Hoorah Golf Society has these qualities in
good measure.
As ever, the day began
with the usual verbal sparring. HO was ribbed about his ‘Wentworth’ jumper
which comes with the customary tale of the Burma Road Eagle. Yawn. Tony the
Tiger Dalby was as ever on good form giving as good as he got whilst Naughty
Nick was the quiet mouse possibly pouncing on the cheese later? DA was the
loser in these verbal fisticuffs as his official Hoorah handicap of 16 was
slashed to 12 mainly on James’ say so. Thanks for that, Warlord, laird of
mischief-making. HO and NM
suffered the same fate in rather more magnanimous silence. And so to the business
in hand ...
The sun shone on the
righteous as we took to the tee, with JT again attracting much mirth as he
paraded his knobbly knees (see photos for the hairy details), and NM showing
off his latest Sat Nav toy which he avowed has been declared legal. The first
fourball consisted of HO, TD, MD and AB. All got away brightly with the Capt.
leading by example with a par start. He smoked the front 9 with 17 pts inc pars
on 8 and 9. However, he ran out of puff on the homeward 9 and coughed up 27 pts
overall. Taffy Davieees, the human daffodil, took 9 holes to find his swing
after a self-induced injury whilst under the influence of half pint of shandy.
I have just heard that he has returned from Abu-Dhabi where once again he fell
and injured himself after no more than smelling the barmaid’s apron! Be that as
it may, he rampaged homewards with 21 of Wales’ finest points to share the
money with Osler. BREAD OF HEAVEN, BREAD OF HEAVEN FEED, ME NOW AND
EVERMORE etc . Well done Taff you’re in the money at last, in 3rd place
overall, and barring any more self-harming events you could be up there with
the big boys this year (how patronizing .Ed). HOORAH. Just think of all the
coal you could buy with that boyo! Officially, he is now the richest Welshman
in the valley. Saucepan-dah.
Tim Parker won the best
guest prize on account of his being the one and only guest. He was also
remarkably accurate off the tee hitting 10 fairways. Tony the Tiger had by the
looks of it a steady game with 16 pts out and 16 pts in. It’s always difficult
playing your maiden game with the Last Hoorah but we look forward to many more
games in your company. The Warlord and his hairy knees bestrode the course like
a colossus in shorts. A modest side wager was made with the hapless Aspey still
nursing (and whingeing about) his reduced HCP. He battled hard and after
dogging DA’s footsteps held him at 19 pts apiece on the front 9 and a share of
the dosh. He was crushing his driver and nearly drove the green on the 8th
which yielded a birdie. However, his drive on the par 3 13th was unlucky enough
to find Oscar Bravo. In the words of Windsor Davies (a relation of Mike’s) once
said. ”Oh dear, how sad ...never mind!) Just as well he didn’t quite
catch it as he would have broken a window in the clubhouse. Just when he
thought he had the Asp in his grasp, DA hit a miracle 7 iron blind and off the
wrong fairway to get a birdie on 15th and then scrambled a point on 16th.
I won’t spend your money James as I sense you’ll be getting it back and more over
the year to come. Well done on tying with DA and HO with the lowest total of
putts at 33.
Note from the Auditor – modesty appears to have forbidden DA
from actually telling us who won the day and in particular from him recounting
his blow by blow dismantling of the course but I can now confirm that the day
went to the ever-consistent robot man himself – DA - despite his slashed
handicap – imagine the outcry if you had won by a further 4 points - with a
solid 19 points on each 9 holes including birdies at the 10th and 15th.
Grossing a solid 80, the scene is set for a challenge to sew another fine Ebay
acquisition onto the hallowed Red Sleeves.
What of the quiet mouse
Nicky? Well, he finished a creditable 2nd with 37 pts including a birdie on the
par 5 5th after coming close with his eagle putt. He also tied the par 3 comp.
on +2 with DA, HO and Tony the Tiger. Drive of the day was a huge effort that
flew the bunkers at 9. His approaches were deadly with joint best GIR stats.
Best hole for Nick was a birdie on the longest hole in Sussex, hole 18. What a
way to finish. Class will out as they say.
And so to the Red
Jacketed one. How was this year to start for the Corinthian cleek-wielding
codger? He has now joined the ‘single-figure handicap brigade’ at 9. However, it
seemed that his legendary short game was not as sharp as last year as he failed
to scramble around the greens and finished the first 9 with 14 pts - joint last
with our guest TP. But, after declaring a more aggressive intent on the 10th
tee box, something clearly inspired him at the turn as he smashed his drive
onto the 10th green to 2 putt for a birdie. Emboldened by his change in
fortune, he tried for the 11th green with his driver. Some would say this was
snapping his fingers under the nose of Fate but fortune favours the brave. The
ball soared away on a parabola of joy with not a little of the famous patented
Barnes fade. The ball slid narrowly passed the hole – o so close to that
legendary bird, the albatross - to rest just a pace past the pin, and his nerve
held as he slid the putt home to carve his way into the history books as E4.
Congratulations on getting that particular monkey off your back. With a further
birdie on the short par 4 14th hole, HO mounted a 21 pt challenge on
the back 9 to tie it with MD.
Well that just about
wraps it up bar a small almost illegible footnote to the effect that the winner
on the day was a certain pompous fag of a president but the less said about
that the better.
On with the Motley as
the comic cavalcade careens to Dale Hill on 15th to play for a new trophy
I found in the bargain bin of a Petworth charity shop. It’s the Mad Mike Green
Gauntlet! HOORAH. Thence to the Addington for the Spring Cup.
Don’t forget to check
out the photos on our Snapfish site – follow this link.
And so to the Auditor for his usual
mathematical meddlings ....
Who won the wonga?
Event Competition Stats
|
|
HO |
DA |
NM |
MD |
JT |
AD |
AB |
TP (g) |
|
Total |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
F9 |
|
14 |
19 |
17 |
15 |
19 |
16 |
17 |
15 |
|
|
|
B9 |
|
21 |
19 |
20 |
21 |
15 |
16 |
10 |
17 |
|
|
|
18 |
|
35 |
38 |
37 |
36 |
34 |
32 |
27 |
31 |
|
|
|
Par 3's |
|
2 |
2 |
2 |
5 |
8 |
2 |
7 |
4 |
|
|
|
Eagles |
|
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Birdies |
|
2 |
2 |
2 |
|
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
FIR |
|
6 |
8 |
5 |
3 |
6 |
4 |
4 |
10 |
|
|
|
GIR |
|
7 |
8 |
8 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
3 |
2 |
|
|
|
Putts |
|
33 |
33 |
36 |
36 |
33 |
38 |
37 |
37 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Winnings |
|
£14 |
£14 |
£2 |
£4 |
£4 |
£2 |
|
|
|
£40 |
Player
|
Exact H/C
before
event |
Meddle
Score Today (Par 70)
|
Adj To H/C (max +/- 2)
|
New Exact H/C
|
New Playing H/C
|
HOOM Before Game
|
HOOM Points Today
|
HOOM
After Game
|
|
HO |
9.0 |
+10 |
+0.2 |
9.2 |
9 |
- |
4 |
4 |
|
PB |
10.6 |
dnp |
|
10.6 |
11 |
- |
- |
- |
|
DA |
11.9 |
+10 |
-0.4 |
11.5 |
12 |
- |
7 |
7 |
|
NM |
13.4 |
+12 |
-0.3 |
13.1 |
13 |
- |
6 |
6 |
|
PE |
7.6 |
dnp |
|
7.6 |
8 |
- |
- |
- |
|
AF |
17.0 |
dnp |
- |
17.0 |
21 |
- |
- |
- |
|
PK |
18.0 |
dnp |
- |
18.0 |
18 |
- |
- |
- |
|
MD |
20.1 |
+22 |
+0.8 |
20.9 |
21 |
- |
5 |
5 |
|
JT |
12.0 |
+15 |
+0.6 |
12.6 |
13 |
- |
3 |
3 |
|
AD |
22.0 |
+27 |
+2.0 |
24.0 |
24 |
- |
2 |
2 |
|
AB |
19.0 |
+28 |
+2(m) |
21.0 |
21 |
- |
1 |
1 |