Chart Hills, Kent.

August Meeting of the Last Hoorahvians.

Capt. Underpants has one arm in the Red Jacket (and its already too big)

 

 

Friends, golfers, Hoorahvians, let me ram my fruitful tidings in thine ears. The tension is mounting as the finish line is in sight. Can Easto hang on ? Will Harvey overhaul him at the line? Certainly, now is no time to blink as Chart Hills can reduce your chances of victory to sand in a trice.

 

It was the wisely one, Sadhu Mukerjee who told the tale of Chart Hills conceived by the mighty Faldo as his first European design. The original plans showed a featureless tract of land with broad fairways which gathered any wayward drives to their centre. The greens were flat and not a bunker was in sight that was until Mr Faldo’s first wife filed for divorce. Having lost half his worldly goods in the settlement, Nick revised his plans for Chart Hills covering it with sand, ditches and wispy rough. His request however was denied for mantraps, personnel mines and wolves. He would save that for his second design after his second divorce.

 

After a fine, full English, it was down to the practice ground and then buggies at the ready we were off. To the first tee went HO, with guests Jez Lavy, Keith Joyes and Chris Bantock. Under a leaden sky they teed off. Easto, Nick and the writer were then harried by the anally retentive starter to hurry our shots after a tedious lecture on where the buggy could be driven, how long we should take for the round and what he would like for Christmas.

 

Unfortunately, Nick’s first shot was lost poss. in a pond. Thanks, Mr Starter. Easto and I made it to the green whereupon the young man showed why he is leading the HOOM. A tricky downhill putt well off the green went without hesitation to the bottom of the cup. So that’s a birdie and no putts on the first. Yes this was going to be tough to follow. The next 8 holes went much the same way. His drives were straight and his touch around the greens silky. The fairway wood that found the 8th green was particularly memorable. So at the turn we stopped off for a tea and I made a pig of myself  with a slice of homemade cake. That was my only consolation as the game went south. Even the buggy had had enough and was abandoned on the 16th with a flat battery. Clearly, Nick had found a way of draining it of energy and used it to fuel a great back 9 playing some fine strokes. So distracted was he that on the 14th he had the flag in the hole and was walking off the green before I had lined up my putt. Thanks, Nick. That was just the wind up I needed to ram that putt home.

 

Away in the distance, we glimpsed the boys all smiles and laughs. Joyesy aiming his driver at 45 degrees from the target but bending it back to the centre of the fairway. Jez with the touch of a surgeon holed out for a birdie on the S.I.1 13th. HO looked sheepish. No doubt he was enjoying the day as the scores clearly showed. (Over to you stato ...)

 

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Yes indeed, on his debut, Jez and his hallowed 5 iron looked every bit a HOOM regular; a few shaky drives on the front nine holes were followed almost without exception by 5 irons onto the greens and a total of 13 points on the front nine was respectable enough; his moment of glory however was to come at the stroke 1 dog-leg thirteenth where he followed a tiger line drive to the left edge of the fairway, with - you guessed it – a  5 iron lasered over the corner trees to the green, to be followed by a surgically precise long putt for birdie; Hoorah! 18 points on the back nine on a tough course and a promise to join the burgeoning Hoorah throng again soon!

 

Chris likewise struggled to acclimatize himself to the daunting array of bunkers on the front nine, but found his footing on the back 9 to post a respectable 15 points and 24 overall; the stats will show that but for his 45 putts, CB may have come away with looty in his booty.

 

Keith also struggled to avoid the long stuff and tame the bunkers, and cursed the Faldo design which favoured those who can draw the ball – not a shot usually found in the KJ locker – KJ being the holder of the World Championship Power Fading Competition 2008.

 

HO batted out a gritty typical Hoorah innings, going in only one bunker all day, ably assisted by JL’s sharp eyesight to find a few of his more wayward shots and keep moreorless out of trouble until the short signature par 3, seventeenth hole where he dunked two in the pond; those who witnessed his calamitous downfall at Littlestone, will have noted a chink in the HO armour and will be searching the land high and low for courses with a par 3 seventeenth hole to exploit.

 

(And back to you O, Bard ...)

 

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Overall, HO took the money on the first 9 with an impressive 21 points and was narrowly pipped by Easto overall with 41 pts apiece thanks to Paul’s opening birdie. The unstoppable member from Addington also took the prize for the par 3’s and the putts.

 

Afterwards, it was off to the Rajah nr Tenterden for a memorable curry. Not many Indians offer pheasant, duck and venison. But then this is the sticks and there’s always roadkill. Can’t wait till Billy Badger and his mate Algie the pug get the Rajah treatment.

 

Next stop, East Sussex National on the 14th September. Then we wend our way to our spiritual home at Royal St Georges on the 4th November for the last showdown.

 

Photos from Chart Hills can be viewed on our Snapfish site here

 

Handicaps & HOOM

 

Player	Exact H/C before event	Meddle Score Today (Par 70)	Adj To H/C (max +/- 2)	New Exact H/C	New Playing H/C	HOOM Before Game	HOOM Points Today	HOOM After Game
HO	16.6	+12	-1.5	15.1	15	43	7	50
PB	15.2	dnp	-	15.2	15	12	-	12
DA	16.8	+21	+1.2	18.0	18	42	5	47
NM	18.0	+16	-0.6	17.4	17	32	6	38
PE	14.0	+9	-1.5	12.5	13	43	8	51
AF	21.0	dnp	-	21.0	21	19	-	19
PK	22.0	dnp	-	22.0	22	8	-	8
MD	23.3	dnp	-	23.3	23	23	-	23