LAST HOORAH MINUTES
__________________________________
Venue: Hayling Island GC
Date: 13 May 2008
Event: #4 of 2008
__________________________________
Present:-
HO, DA, NM, PE, MD, AF
PB, PK
The
East Winds blows up
but
Capt.
Horatio Hosler hoists the Jolly Roger
Ah ha m’ hearties, gather round as I spin ye
a yarn. Here below lies the rabid ramblings of Dave the Rave, a veritable
vichyssoise of verbosity, a cornucopia of cock and cobblers. Lend me thine ears
those that have gorged at the Tamasha and tasted Tandridge pudding. The tides
of time have ebbed and flowed this twelvemonth and back again come the
Hoorahvians to this loveliest of links. Like a siren she’s bewitching but cruel
(and a bit hairy in all the wrong places). She’ll flatter your golf then
swallow your balls whole. As a sailor boy aboard the good ship Fellatio, I
recall a shanty sung by the lowliest of ratings that went,
“ If your spirits be ailing
And your game’s somewhat
failing
Put an end to your wailing
And set sail for fair
Hayling”
This is a course which gets better with the playing
- all humps and hollows, whin grass and gorse but importantly the sea is ever
present. No more so than on the 13th “ The Widow”. On either side of the
hump-backed fairway there are far-reaching views over Chichester Harbour with
the unmistakable plaintive, plangent, plack-placking of rope ‘gainst
mizzenmast.
The day set fair which was just as well
given the extreme weather we suffered last year. I don’t think any of us will
forget the wind whipping saltwater into our eyes and the sight of
Nick’s waterproof trews frothing at the
pockets. This was middle May at its mildest save a light Easterly flicking at
the club’s flag. The assistant pro however had words of warning, “This is the
hardest the course has been playing - keep it on the cut stuff”
A swift half and a baguette and we were off.
The sacred scrotum aka the ball bag of Fate chose PE/MD/NM with DA/HO/AF to
play together. To stand on the 1st with a zephyr of a breeze on your back and
the lustrous links shimmering and beckoning afore ye - it’s as much as a
pompous fag can do to stop himself going off on one. Congrats to PE/MD/NM who
all made par here. PE our current leader ominously took par on the next as
well. However, the young man looked all golfed out after his marathon effort at
The Belfry the previous weekend. Well done on an 11 + round on the Brabazon.
This came with a heavy price tag as he tumbled to 11 pts on the front 9 and 15
on the way home. Good enough though to retain the HOOM lead for now anyway
whilst he takes stock and adjusts his busy golfing calendar.
As for the rest, it was a game of catch-up
(or should that be ketch-up for you sea-faring folk). A steady start for
AF/DA/HO belied problems ahead as AF/DA came to grief in the tall grass and the
slippery greens. We were playing Seaman Stains and Roger the Cabin boy to HO’s
Captain Horatio Hornblower. After 3 holes Capt. Horatio fell quiet, too quiet
one would say and had a steely-eyed look of a salty sea pilot plotting his way
through the treacherous hidden shoals and sandbanks of Chichester Harbour. Not
even the girlish giggles and gags from Messrs Fry and Aspey were enough to make
the Captain’s boat yaw from its true course. Not even a spectacular aerial
fight twixt hawk and crow could put him off. He chose the cut stuff whilst we
plundered the rough, paid the ferryman too early and drowned in the Styx (Ed.
You are getting your mythology confused with your Chris de Burgh - buffoon
Aspey!)
So par after lah-di-dah went Capt. Haddock
Hosler and despite falling prey to the tall grass just off the back of the 3rd
he proceeded to play a glorious shot to the aptly named “Narrows” par 3 and
made par. No-one else achieved that. And if that wasn’t enough his 4-i soared
over the wasteland marsh guarding the 6th green. So good was it that the
Auditor’s mask fell away and he ran down the fairway whooping and a hollerin’
like Robinson Crusoe on being rescued from his desert island. He was to go on
and make 6 pars on the spin with a winning 21 pts on the front 9.
Meanwhile behind the dunes something snake-like slithered. Twas
the Mukherjee stirring from his torpor with 2 princely birdies (on 7th and
16th) taking the back 9 with 19 pts and
30 putts. The Charles Ledger school of putting was paying dividends early.
Shame about the VISIBLE PANTY LINE seen thro’ the white trousers, Nick!
So it was NM and HO who scooped the pot as
the rest meekly coughed up the readies. On the terrace DA/NM/MD puffed away on
their Cohibas-Jiminez-like and mused philosophically. Unfortunately, MD’s 22
pts did little to endear him to links golf. Don’t worry Bonecrusher, no more
seaside golf till Royal St Georges. A smile did grace his careworn face after a
good burn-up the A27 to the Storrington curry house. PE and DA thought we’d
lost him early on and as we held back and peered into the rear view,
Bonecrusher’s black bat of a car
undertook us both at 120mph. Only his manic grin could be seen as he promptly
took the next wrong turning. A cobra or two proved the best antidote to calm
our revved up nerves.
And so the gap on PE’s lead narrows as the Auditor has him in his cross hairs. Can the rest catch ‘em? Who can say as we cross the channel to play amongst the pines of Hardelot. HOORAH!
Hayling Island Photos posted here
Next Up
11 June 2008 - Hardelot Les Dunes – where the
next round of the match play will be drawn
8 July 2008 - Wimbledon (Common & Royal)
Vital Statistics ...
|
Hayling Island 13/05/08 |
|
HO |
DA |
NM |
PE |
AF |
MD |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Front 9 (stableford) |
|
21 |
13 |
15 |
11 |
11 |
11 |
|
Back 9 (stableford) |
|
15 |
17 |
19 |
15 |
11 |
11 |
|
18 holes (stableford) |
|
36 |
30 |
34 |
26 |
22 |
22 |
|
Position (HOOM) |
|
1 |
3 |
2 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
HOOM points |
|
8 |
6 |
7 |
5 |
4 |
3 |
|
Gross score (Par 71) |
|
85 |
93 |
89 |
95 |
101 |
104 |
|
3’s gross (6 holes) |
|
+3 |
+4 |
+5 |
+4 |
+7 |
+4 |
|
Putts (18 holes) |
|
34 |
34 |
30 |
38 |
34 |
41 |
|
Eagles / Birdies |
|
- |
- |
2 |
- |
- |
- |
|
FIR |
|
6 |
7 |
5 |
5 |
4 |
4 |
|
GIR |
|
5 |
2 |
4 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hayling Winnings |
|
£18 |
- |
£14 |
- |
- |
- |
£4
birdie pot held over plus previous £8 (NM now holds £12 in pot)
Player
|
Exact H/C
before
event |
Meddle
Score Today (Par 70)
|
Adj To H/C (max +/- 2)
|
New Exact H/C
|
New Playing H/C
|
HOOM Before Game
|
HOOM Points Today
|
HOOM
After Game
|
|
HO |
14.2 |
+14 |
- |
14.2 |
14 |
18 |
8 |
26 |
|
PB |
15.2 |
dnp |
- |
15.2 |
15 |
12 |
- |
12 |
|
DA |
14.8 |
+22 |
+2.0 |
16.8 |
17 |
16 |
6 |
22 |
|
NM |
14.9 |
+18 |
+0.9 |
15.8 |
16 |
10 |
7 |
17 |
|
PE |
13.8 |
+24 |
+2.0 |
15.8 |
16 |
23 |
5 |
28 |
|
AF |
16.0 |
+30 |
+2.0 |
18.0 |
18 |
6 |
4 |
10 |
|
PK |
20.0 |
dnp |
- |
20.0 |
20 |
3 |
- |
3 |
|
MD |
18.5 |
+31 |
+2.0 |
20.5 |
21 |
8 |
3 |
11 |