LAST HOORAH MINUTES
_________________________________________
Venue: Tandridge
GC
Date: 13
February 2008
Event: #1
of 2008
__________________________________
Present:-
HO “The Auditor” – joint
holder of the RJ 2007
DA “Herr Dokteur” – joint
holder of the RJ 2007
NM “Snakecharmer” – HACKERS
2007 champ
PE “Thong with a Song”,
AF “The Count”
PK “The Guerilla”
Plus guests ....
NOSLER “aka Nick “Junior”
Osler”
CF “El Bandito”
PB “Valise”
THE AFFAIR OF
THE TANDRIDGE PUD
Last Hoorah officially
welcomes Anal “the Count” Fry and Pat “the Guerilla” Kneath into the fold on
their debut. Accordingly a full breakfast was commandeered by guest Carlos El
Bandito – and just when the players had sated themselves on a full English
breakfast, along came the now infamous Tandridge Pud ...
Heaving their now ample
girths down to the first tee box, the balls of fate
chose Snakecharmer, Easto, The Muppet Cunt, sorry, Count, and Herr
Dokteur to strike the first Hoorahvian balls in anger that day of early Spring
which promised much and did not disappoint. The jinks were high as the
morning's pleasantries soon gave way to good, honest cussing and scowls
aplenty.
Brief Sketch of the First
Four ...
However, 'twas no accident
of Fate that the Gods of Golf looked down upon our general buffoonery and gave
Easto the wink blessing him with maximum points for the day amongst the
Hoorahvians. (Let the record note that we Hoorahvians ever the gentlemen
allowed our guests Nosler and Bandito Fuente to take the day's honours with
worthy performances.) For Easto, I'm ashamed to say, has had lessons! I'm not
sure whether this is permitted and the Rules committee will convene no doubt
but it is nothing short of a general mark of disrespect to all Englishmen true-born.
Nevertheless, true and long flew his drives and the short game was razor sharp.
He nearly chipped in from 50 yards on the 1st and despite the odd blip eg. the
6th, he amassed a creditable 14pts on the front 9. It could have been more as
many a putt destined for the cup pulled up short in the jaws of the hole.
At this point, let me
mention that until the 5th the muppet vampire aka The Count was racking up
points like a boy racer in a stolen car, over the limit and with no licence.
Not even insurance! However, the wheels fell off his pocket rocket when caught
in a Stinger of a rhododendron that put him in jail good and proper.
At the turn, all felt that
the Tandridge pud was making its way south through the digestive tract
eventually. With every hole Easto looked less like a snake that had swallowed
an antelope and eased into his stride stacking up 15 "big boy" points
on the homeward 9. Memorably, the tenth saw both DA and NM make birdies. Once a
roomie always a roomie HOORAH! HOORAH! HOORAH! Until then the sleepy Maharajah
had been distinctly out of sorts. The married men of the Society will have
nodded sagely at the change of swing from that of a devil-may-care bachelor to
that of a man now in union with his trouble-and-strife.
The next hole saw the Count
strike timber not once, not twice but thrice! Give up golf, dear friend, and
take up cricket; England needs a bowler to knock over stumps at that rate.
Self-respect prevents me from telling you who on the same hole topped his ball
3 times on the trot-a personal best. Hole 12 required a soft fade off the tee.
All stepped up to the plate and duly drew the ball in t'other direction (MINE
WAS MORE A HOOK) Ah, how good are we? The 15th was driveable and NM and PE did
their level best. Easto was a little short (nothing personal, ol' chap).
And so to the last which
showed us all what an infuriatingly unpredictable game this is. The Count
cleverly eschewed the more conventional approach by hooking over the 10th
fairway behind a bush. His next amazingly got him within 50 yards from the
front edge from where he proceeded to chip in for birdie. Well done you plushy
bloodsucker. We doff our collective cloth cap in your jammy, spawny direction.
So unremarkable was much of
the author’s play that morning, that in fact he has conveniently obliterated
much of it from his memory. Suffice to say that our two guests, Nosler and El
Bandito, played the best of the golf, Carlos in particular in particular
hitting a plethora of fairways, and making his “I’m a 24 handicap” happily a
thing of the distant past. Notching up a respectable 15 points on the front 9
and an impressive 20 points on the back 9, Carlos ran out the clear winner ....
closely followed by Nosler’s 15 and 18 point haul. Let it not be said that we
do not look after our guests with Carlos scooping top equal booty and Nosler
sharing the front 9 winnings with DA. PK suffered with HO, missing fairways and
greens alike and taking too many putts in the early Spring conditions.
So there it is, folks. Carlos won the day, but as far as the HOOM is concerned, Easto takes an early lead by 1 from Herr Dokteur; the Count is not out on 26 pts after a numerical mix up from the Auditor (that figures) who comes next and last but not least is the PKK Guerilla developer from Telscombe Cliffs bringing up the rear. The wacky races have started. Where it'll end and who'll be wearing the Red Jacket at the spiritual home , I'll be darned if i know. It's golf, Jim, but not as we know it.
Tandridge photos posted here
The Vital Statistics ...
|
Tandridge 13/02/08 |
|
HO |
PB |
DA |
NM |
PE |
AF |
PK |
NO |
CF |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Front 9 (stableford) |
|
12 |
dnp |
15 |
10 |
14 |
14 |
11 |
15 |
14 |
|
Back 9 (stableford) |
|
13 |
|
13 |
14 |
15 |
12 |
9 |
18 |
20 |
|
18 holes (stableford) |
|
25 |
|
28 |
24 |
29 |
26 |
20 |
33 |
35 |
|
Position (HOOM) |
|
4 |
|
2 |
5 |
1 |
3 |
6 |
(g) |
(g) |
|
3's (gross) (4 holes) |
|
+4 |
|
+4 |
+4 |
+5 |
+1 |
+8 |
+3 |
+2 |
|
Putts (18 holes) |
|
36 |
|
31 |
40 |
36 |
43 |
38 |
36 |
32 |
|
Eagles / Birdies |
|
|
|
1 |
1 |
|
1 |
|
|
1 |
|
FIR |
|
6 |
|
4 |
8 |
5 |
4 |
5 |
3 |
6 |
|
GIR |
|
2 |
|
3 |
7 |
5 |
4 |
0 |
4 |
4 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tandridge Winnings |
|
£0 |
£0 |
£13 |
£1 |
£0 |
£9 |
£0 |
£4 |
£17 |
£4
birdie pot held over (by the Treasurer - NM)
Player
|
Exact H/C
before
event |
Meddle
Score Today (Par 68)
|
Adj To H/C (max +/- 2)
|
New Exact H/C
|
New Playing H/C
|
HOOM Before Game
|
HOOM Points Today
|
HOOM
After Game
|
|
HO |
11.0 |
90 |
+2.0 |
13.0 |
13 |
- |
5 |
5 |
|
PB |
14.0 |
dnp |
|
|
14 |
- |
- |
0 |
|
DA |
11.0 |
86 |
+1.4 |
12.4 |
12 |
- |
7 |
7 |
|
NM |
12.0 |
92 |
+2.0 |
14.0 |
14 |
- |
4 |
4 |
|
PE |
12.0 |
89 |
+1.8 |
13.8 |
14 |
- |
8 |
8 |
|
AF |
14.0 |
93 |
+2.0 |
16.0 |
16 |
- |
6 |
6 |
|
PK |
18.0 |
102 |
+2.0 |
20.0 |
20 |
- |
3 |
3 |
|
NO (g) |
18.0 |
89 |
18.6 |
19.0 |
19 |
g |
g |
|
|
CF (g) |
18.0 |
87 |
+0.2 |
18.2 |
18 |
g |
g |
|