THE FINALE OF THE LAST HOORAH 2007

THE DRESSING ROOM OF DESTINY AWAITS…..

Venue: The Spiritual Home aka Royal St Georges, Sandwich

Date – 27 November 2007

Present:-

Mr East – best at Blackheath – Hero of Hayling Island

Mr Jock McArgee – the Hindhead Hitman and Knight of Knoll Park

Mr Osler – Legion d’Honeur (La Mer), inaugural winner of the red jacket 2005, runner up 2006.

Mr Aspey – current incumbent of Le Gilet Rouge

Absent Friends

Mr Barnes – holder of the Spring Cup – “the ace of Addington”

And so to the final game of the Last Hoorah with the Snake Charmer ahead by two points even after having missed our trip to La Belle France. Regrettably, whilst second, Mr Barnes not being able to attend was out of the running which left the current holder of the red jacket, Mr Aspey, and the last year’s runner up, Mr Osler, fighting it out with the plucky Easto who again missed out on La Mer and the chance of a hat trick of victories at Hayling Island and Blackheath.

The day dawned hopefully as all four descended on the spiritual home for a hearty breakfast and off. Unnervingly, there was not a breath of wind to flutter the flag on the pole outside the clubhouse and it appeared that one of the Maiden’s defences was missing. As an anonymous poet once wrote:

“…here lies the Maiden tho’ haply no longer made. For from the skies the rare Eagle sweeps – who is she betrayed?

Yet forever remained her beauty and her purity”.

Wild are the winds – the rough and sandy hazards her security”.

Nevertheless, this writer felt a thrill pass through his body As we walked over hallowed turf and a sea of sand dunes with the bay beyond, it put me in mind of Bernard Darwin’s thoughts on our spiritual home:

“….Sandwich has a charm that belongs to itself…The long strip of turf on the way to the seventh hole, that stretches between the sand – hills and the sea; a fine Spring day, with the Larks singing as they seem to sing nowhere else, the sun shining on the waters of Pegwell Bay and lighting the white cliffs in the distance; this is as nearly my idea of Heaven as is to be attained on any earthly Links”.

Despite having played the course before, it was felt that some local knowledge would be of help in the form of four of the strangest looking caddies that ever graced the Royal St Georges caddy shack. As if preordained each of the caddies sidled up to his man on a selection which seemed to be more on the similarity of size than any spiritual affinity. Mine (Johnny) appeared to enjoy a drink or two judging from the grog blossom on his finely moulded nose (I guess we had something in common) whilst Easto buddied up with Sandwich’s own version of the Diddy Man. Harvey got Lofty whilst the princely one had the benefit of Maurice’s advice (Aspey’s caddy from last year). As the caddies decided to drive to the tenth tee, we saw them all slink off like so many Disney Goldminers aka Specky, Wheezy, Tiny and Lofty.

All played off a handicap of 18 except Easto with his show-off, “big boy” handicap of 17 – a throw back to this back-to-back victories. On the tee the playful banter and well meant badinage dried up as Harvey, transformed into McOsler, winner of the Linksman 2007, gazed down the fairway, licked his lips and tasted salty sea breezes or was that Champagne? His three wood speared the middle of the fairway to muted congratulations. Aspey got a lucky lash away with his big dog driver whilst Easto and Snake Charmer preferring each others company found longish whin grass. Unfortunately, Easto found a difficult lie but Nick ominously was having none of it and played short of the green. With a tidy, up-and-down he started with a nerve settling par as did Aspey and so would have McOsler were it not for a most uncharacteristic fat shot from the fairway. Onto the next, what should have been a long par 3 was reduced to nothing more than a flick with a six iron. Aspey was to have his first of several three putts here from less than 20 feet although to be fair we all struggled on the freshly hollow-tined greens. The Snake Charmer, again, was up to this challenge and with a skilful scramble slunk off to the next with two pars under his belt. At this point the writer gazed at this Leviathan with the eye of a Tailor mentally nipping and tucking the red jacket to mould his shapely form. The next hole was a joyless one for Paul who hit high, wide and handsome. The course claimed its first casualty. On first glance the rough did not appear too wild but standing in the middle of it and the rain having battered down the longer grass, it become almost impossible to find the balls as one by one the heroes of the Hoorah were to find to their cost. The other three made rather a meal of the approach shot which was less than 70 yards and so to the next, the first of many blind drives over the dunes. The caddies’ advice was to aim to the right of the Prince’s deserted Club House but ignoring his caddie’s counsel and not caring for the money being sent for such advice, Harvey and Aspey knocked it left and within a touch of draw for good measure. Easto and Mukherjee drove well. Easto tidied up the scorecard with a sound par on one of the hardest holes whilst Nick had a bit of a nightmare persuading the ball eventually to get into the hole whilst Harvey made Bogey after flying the green with his approach. Aspey had to hack out of thick rough but stiffed his next to within inches for a par and so onto the Suez hole where many have found disaster. All got off the tee well to their caddies’ satisfaction only for Aspey to hoick his next one into the rough never to be seen again. Easto was on fire at this stage and played the hole in regulation as did Nick. Harvey who drawing himself up to his full height made a satisfactory par. Aspey scrambled for a Bogey after nailing an 18 foot put.

And so it went on with nip followed by tuck, ding behind dong and harum right up the backside of scarum. The fortunes of all players shifted like the sands on the shores of Pegwell Bay but quietly and steadily confidence grew in the one they call the Linksman 2007 and his birdie on the par 3 16^th was a sure statement of intent with much celebration and all swigging lustily from the hipflask, none more so than old Toper Johnny who sucked so hard the very sides of the hip flask could be seen to cave in. Incidentally, it was on this hole that Jacklin scored the first televised hole in one. It was also the point in the round that Johnny suddenly became rather expansive, telling tales of previous great and grateful clients. In particular one haunted me of how he was befriended by the late Marquis of Tavistock (Heir to the Woburn Estate). Incidentally Piers Street’s brother sorted out the estate for his Dad. One day the Marquis to be seemed ill at sorts and foozled shot after shot. Unburdening himself to the young Johnny, he confessed that his father was at death’s door and he was about to inherit the entire estate. The landed gent-to-be spluttered out that “it would be death of him”. Within a year this prophecy came true. Johnny’s father, we understand, also caddied to the late great Henry Cotton who won at Royal St Georges in 1934.

Mais revenons à nos moutons, mes braves. The seventeenth saw Nick and Easto score commendable pars on what is a tough hole, particularly the green which is so well guarded with treacherous deep pot hole bunkers. Regrettably the eighteenth had been dug up in readiness for The Open here to be played in 2011.

On the first tee, sandwiched between the famous thatched starter’s huts, a quick tally up of the scores revealed Osler jutting out his chin to take the first nine within a commendable 21 points, the others having suffered from some inconsistency, nevertheless had played to their handicaps with 18 points a piece. The first is possibly the dullest hole on the course, particularly without the wind and three out of four made par on so on to the par 3 2^nd hole known as Sahara. Harvey made the green and with another excellent putt another birdie went to the Linksman who was moving into the changing rooms of greatness with the tailors of the red jacket not needing to measure him up again. For inside the jacket his name is already there. Harvey and Lofty worked well as a team and often as not McOsler would be short of the green only for Lofty to walk on ahead and point to a bare patch of grass for Osler to hit and this he did time and time again with the ball neatly rolling out and slowing up near the pin. The stats show only one putt was needed on several occasions, could he be after the Doctor’s putter for the second time running despite Aspey’s gay grip being still on the shiny leather handle following a reasonable season on the greens. Who at the end of this struggle would be the boss of the moss? It certainly wasn’t going to be Aspey because on the next hole after two smartly hit shots finding their way onto the green he three putted again from only 25 feet.

Onto the Maiden, the fifth, which last year saw the infamous “lost ball incident” which brought Osler’s steam train of a performance last year juddering to a halt. Unfortunately, the Maiden was yet again to prove his undoing as she lured him into the high thick grass on the left. Harvey’s second attempt was regrettably not strong enough to get out of the cloying embraces of the Maiden. Not satisfied, she managed to switch his golf balls whilst he wasn’t looking only for the hapless Harvey to realise too late after too many shots had been played. The record also notes that Aspey also had problems of a similar nature playing the wrong ball on the seventeenth where he too conceded a blob. As an aside, this is the hole where Harry Bradshaw should have won The Open had it not been for his ball rolling into a whiskey bottle near the green. Instead of waiting for a ruling, he smashed at it and took three to get down. In the end he only tied for the championship and lost to Bobby Locke in the play off.

Unfortunately, Paul East’s woes continued on the next, a par five, where following a good drive, his fairway wood was hit smartly but slightly to the right but certainly not beyond the road which runs down the hole. Mysteriously, the ball was never seen again. For a caddie to lose one of his player’s balls is a misfortune but in this case to lose the second certainly constituted carelessness. On this hole Aspey, who had been hitherto hanging onto the tails of the red jacket of Linksman, finally got his long-overdue first birdie of 2007 in the last Hoorah and very nearly made a last gasp attempt at retaining the mighty Big Bird trophy on his mantelpiece. Despite Osler’s brace of birdies, let the record show that the princely one, the masterful Maharajah with his total of six birdies nabs the coveted Big Bird trophy with Osler second with five. Easto bagged a tidy four birdies over the championship. The fate of the red jacket had yet to be sealed. It now appeared that Aspey had barged in to the fabled changing rooms of destiny finding the present incumbent with his trousers down and a John Inman character measuring up his inside leg! On the par 4 (stroke index 1) 8^th hole, Osler was seen muttering stage left after his caddy handed him the hissing Cobra only to find his well-spanked drive had run 15 yards over the end of the fairway into the marshes beyond; a fluff and hack ended in a costly double-bogey.

And so stood the Hoorah 2005 and 2006 champions neck and neck, shoulder to shoulder, steelily eyeing each other with unblinking stares. On the last hole, each had their chances, spurning makeable par putts, leaving the game tied, the HOOM tide, the jacket shared and honours even. Harvey with his arm in the left sleeve, Aspey with his in the right sleeve; conjoined compatriots contentedly cosy.

And so all trudged in for a brief sing song in the showers to reappear well scrubbed and immaculately turned out to grace the lounge in the heart of our spiritual home magnificent in its oak panels and vaulted ceilinged grandeur. Sadly, no lunch was to be had there and a hasty retreat was made to the town where eventually we found tasty steaks and a half decent bottle of red at the Fleur de Lis. The princely one exuding charm was cheeky and asked for a fried egg on top of his gammon steak where upon everybody else joined in. The rather drab tacky surrounds of the pub were at great contrast to the Golf Club’s splendour and after the first bottle of red the mood turned philosophical with the fate of the red jacket decided, the wise one with the sagacity of a sadhu, intoned that “it is the quietest mouse that gets the most cheese”. Wise words indeed. Had it not been for that missed opportunity to play at La Mer, the jacket would surely be on his shoulders. Easto throughout the proceedings held his head high and carried himself with decorum as ever and with two fine victories under his belt, will no doubt flourish again, particularly if we play in high winds and heavy rain which seems to get the best out of the young blade.

As they drove off NM and DA got deep into conversation leaving the Sat Nav to take us completely the wrong route we realised only too late and sat in traffic in Canterbury City centre. Even funnier was the fact that HO had followed us all the way. Buffoon of the day is my BMW Sat Nav. The polite lady who reads out instructions will have a pink beret sent to her as an attachment without delay.

Epitaph – editor’s note

And so another season comes to a close with its incumbent highs and lows. The members need to consult their diaries next year to try to meet a fuller fixture list which has slipped for the second successive year. It would also be good if we could avoid the leading gladiators missing crucial games, as surely PB or NM would have taken the Red Jacket if either had managed to play all the fixtures.

The trophies ...

Red Jacket shared by DA and HO

Big Bird Trophy NM (by one birdie)

Doctor’s putter HO (by one putt!)

Stats from RSG - note we actually played the back 9 first, but I set out stats with front 9 first ...

	HO	DA	NM	PE
Front Nine (stableford)	21	24	15	16
Back Nine (stableford)	21	18	18	17
Overall (stableford)	42	42	33	34
Gross score (par 72)	82	82	91	90
Meddle score	+12	+12	+21	+20
Gross score on par 3’s (4)	-1	+4	+2	+5
Eagles !!!	-	-	-	-
Birdies	2	1	-	-
FIR (14)	6	9	8	8
GIR	5	9	4	4
Putts	29	35	38	37

The winners for the meeting were therefore as follows:

Front Nine	DA	24 pts
Back Nine	HO	21 pts
Overall	DA	42 pts (cb)
Par 3’s (4 holes)	HO	-1
Eagles / Birdies	HO/DA	2/1
Putts	HO	29

The money stakes were as follows assuming £4 for each comp, £24 total in the pot

HO £14

DA £9

NM £0

PE £0

£1birdie pot held over

Handicaps & HOOM

Player	Exact H/C before event	Meddle Score Today	Adj To H/C	New Exact H/C	New Playing H/C	HOOM Before Game	HOOM Points Today	HOOM After Game
HO	17.7	+12	-1.8	15.9	16	21	9	30
PB	18.0	dnp	dnp	dnp	18	21.5	2	23.5
DA	18.0	+12	-1.8	16.2	16	21	9	30
NM	18.0	+21	+0.9	21.9	18 (max)	23	5	28
PE	17.1	+20	+0.9	18.0	18	18.5	5	23.5