VENUE: HAYLING ISLAND

DATE: 14 AUGUST 2007

PRESENT: HO / DA / NM / PE

As the old Chinese proverb goes “opinion like tea leaf in hot water – need to brew” and so it is that this tribute to the one they call “Wee Willie Caddie” (aka The Thong With A Song) cannot be rushed or hurried. Besides it has taken nearly a week for the author to dry off completely.

It was hard to imagine as we took in the rays of Summer over the preceding weekend that such a vicious Southerly was coming in but severe weather warnings did at least mean that the players would come prepared – or so they thought.

Apologies were accepted from Valise who once again found work coming between him and his prospects of taking the Red Jacket, and so it was left to the author, DA, NM and PE to brave the elements. In the hopes (forlorn as it turned out) of playing a full 36 holes and in order to get off before other societies (we needn’t have worried – there is no society in the world as mad), the troupe made their way down to Hayling Island for an 8:00 am tee off. Lack of sleep and nervous anticipation had left the players looking decidedly bag-eyed as a quick coffee was had from the vista of the club house. The club pro offered a quizzical eye-brow when it was suggested we might be playing 36 holes and respectfully suggested that sir pop back in after the first 18 if sir wanted to play on.

And so to the course itself. Much vaunted and acclaimed and with good reason. The Last Hoorah found themselves playing the Gem of the Channel. Such was its profound impression on the writer, and so packed with events was the day, that the writer will attempt to re-plot the players way around the course in the unabridged version of these Minutes. For those of you with only a few hours to spare, I summarise the highlights .

The Course (short version)

The course opens with a par 3 aptly named “Trap”, twenty yards in front of the green, which NM duly found, but from which he made a sublime sand save start to begin and awesome front nine which found him two over par after 6 holes. Over these opening holes, NM stroked the ball low and straight with his rescue club in that consistent fashion that has made him so hard to beat at the Linksman; another solid drive found him in the centre of the stroke index 1, par 4 6^th, with a short iron over the ravine to the green; there with the wind howling NM sank the long swirling putt to make the only birdie of the day! With 21 points on the front nine, NM looked uncatchable, but the birdie brought to an end his golden passage of play and NM struggled round the back nine with only 8 points. As the rains drenched us by the half way stage, NM’s wets performed some sort of self-shampooing act, and at this stage he was possibly regretting his choice to go “commando”. It may have affected his vision also because he smashed another drive into the wind at the short par 4 10^th “Pan-Ko-Chai” to shouts of “KEEP AN EYE ON THAT ONE”; and we did ... we watched it climb high into the sky, go into reverse and land just 50 yards up the path in front of the tee box ... to huge guffaws.

PE started less fancifully, firing right off the par 3 first to shoot a treble, but if he lulled the other players into a false sense of security. With his radar re-adjusted, and his low centre of gravity, PE chalked up a solid 5 at the par 5 second “Sea”, pitched imperiously into the par 4 third “Broom” and nearly made the birdie putt, and scored a further three pars on the front nine to post an impressive 18 points. Whilst NM faltered on the back 9, PE rallied and with a run of bogeys and a par at the par 4 13^th “Widow” in appalling conditions, PE made 13 points on the back 9 to claim the day.

Less need be said of the present Red Jacket and his predecessor. DA played a solid opening couple of holes despite missing a short up and down at the first, and getting a regulation par 5 at the 2^nd “Sea”, he then hit trouble at the 3^rd. After firing right of the tee, DA then zagged back across the fairway to find the pot hole bunker short left of the green; an Adolf would have been something but DA took three shots from the bunker to post the first of several treble bogeys. 12 points on the front nine and only 9 on the back nine, left DA with a Hoorah record he would rather not have broken of just 21 points

The writer fared little better. A three putt at the first opened his account with a double. A tentative iron off the second was lost, although some pride was salvaged with a four with the second ball to make bogey. The writer then suffered as usual in the rain and slipped to just 12 points on the front nine and 10 on the back to pip DA. The highlight of his day was undoubtedly after putting his drive at 17^th into Davey Jones’ locker he went foraging down by the lake shore and duly returned 5 minutes later with his pockets bulging with 11 replacement balls ... a treble-treble finish summed up the day.

Afters

After getting scrubbed and cleaned, the red-cheeked troupe sank exhausted into the clubhouse and duly sampled a local steak with some Chateau Hayling Island whilst watching the elements batter the windows; by mutual consent a second round was abandoned without discussion. So wet was the morning round that the players had been unable to keep score – the course card simply disintegrating. It was a great testament to the course that the players were able to go through the holes, one by one, and remember them well enough and recreate their scores and stats.

Hats off the Easto for scoring 31 points in what can only be described as extreme atrocious conditions. NM played brilliantly for a while but faded leaving Easto to scoop the pools, and to score back to back wins in the Hoorah, having bagged Royal Blackheath previously. The scores and stats ...

ROYAL BLACKHEATH – 24 JULY 2007

	HO	DA	NM	PE
Front Nine (stableford)	12	12	21	18
Back Nine (stableford)	10	9	8	13
Overall (stableford)	22	21	29	31
Gross score (par 70)	101	101	96	92
Meddle score	+30	+30	+25	+21
Gross score on par 3’s (4)	+5	+3	+3	+6
Eagles !!!	-	-	-	-
Birdies	-	-	1	-
FIR (14)	4	4	7	4
GIR	1	3	3	5
Putts	37	39	37	36

The winners for the meeting were therefore as follows:

Front Nine	NM	21 pts
Back Nine	PE	13 pts
Overall	PE	31 pts
Par 3’s (4 holes)	DA/NM	+3
Eagles / Birdies	NM	1
Putts	PE	36

The money stakes were as follows assuming £4 for each comp, £24 total in the pot

HO £0

DA £2

NM £7

PE £12

£3 birdie pot held over

Handicaps & HOOM

Player	Exact H/C before event	Meddle Score Today	Adj To H/C	New Exact H/C	New Playing H/C	HOOM Before Game	HOOM Points Today	HOOM After Game
HO	16.4	+31	+4.5	18 (M)	18	13	3	16
PB	18.0	dnp	-	18.0	18	16.5	1	17.5
DA	16.2	+31	+4.5	18 (M)	18	15	2	17
NM	17.7	+25	+2.1	18 (M)	18	17.5	4	21.5
PE	15.6	+21	+1.5	17.1	17	12	5	17