MINUTES OF THE LAST HOORAH GOLLFING SOCIETY
DATE: 02/03/06
WEATHER: BRIGHT
AND COLD
As the Beatles once said…”there’s nothing you can say that hasn’t been said” and therefore I’ll be brief since it will all be repetition anyway.
We arrived at a bright and frozen Dale Hill at 8.00. The course was closed but the bar was open and therefore the honourable members retired to the restaurant to dine heartily on toast and what can only be described as “orse’s willies” which watching the first turban wearing spinach and cheese based Indian starter to ever play for England wheel away uneventfully at the King Prawn Tandoori End in 40 degree heat.
When the time came to lock horns, HO arrived on the first tee with a shiny new King Cobra (keeping the Indian theme running) and proceeded to spank one up the centre only to find a shocking lie and top (and ultimately) treble bogey his way to the second tee where the honourable members were given the rounds of the house.
Congratulations to DA for clocking up the first ever HOOM Eagle with a delightfully flighted 5-iron from 80 yards (such are his meagre biceps) to rapturous roars and cheers from the gallery and much banging of chest on chest. NM then followed up with a birdie on the next and DA went on to birdie the 6th leaving poor old Suitcase and RJ to feel not so much like they were playing second fiddle, but more like they were playing some old rusty charity shop xylophone.
RJ did buck his ideas up on the second nine with a birdie on the 14th but this was all too little too late as WD40 was duly applied to the DA bandwagon and he marched relentlessly from the 10th to the finishing line to continue his impressive run of form in 2006. Who will step up and challenge the Great Brummie Destroyer?
Not much can be said about the rest of the day (*see anecdote) …NM was seen smoking Romeo y Julieta No. 2’s on the back nine making him look more like Fidel Castro than the clean living public school fellow that he is, and all that can be said about poor old PB was that he managed to give DA an abject lesson in arranging a game of golf in the height of winter….no pathetic temporary greens and tees on Barnes’s patch.
Although, seeing as how history is written by the victor (or at least the geezer with the pen), I’ll take the opportunity to record vaingloriously that PB set a new record for the putting charts with a Ben Crenshaw-esque 27 (DA recorded 30) putts. Anyone that beats that this year will deserve a special mention.
Can’t really recall any buffoonish moments so I’ll simply record that a further record was also posted with possibly the most “cunts” in a day. The “cunts” weighing at 9 (possibly more if any were uttered under the members’ breath). It is hereby declared that there will be “BOTM” rollover in March / April when the honour falls on NM to arrange the next duel.
RJ has once again assumed the mantle of The Great Stato and I will defer to his spreadsheets regarding records and leave him to append his latest masterpiece
PB
Anecdote by HO
Alas, PB had to disappear to the call of family duties, but the remaining august group set off to re-live the Woosie with a further 18 holes, played (by Hoorah standards at least) at electric pace. Despite the gathering chill in the air, it has to be recorded that this was a rather memorable occasion.
Fairways were hit a plenty, and (by DA and NM at least) greens were peppered. No official record is kept of this shadow tour event, but the writer recalls that DA and NM each made two more birdies, and the writer himself finally joined the party. After putting in from off the green on the 2nd and chipping in from nowhere on the 16th, HO duly popped a 3 wood by the pin on the 18th and sank the eagle putt. Alas, it was not an official Hoorah eagle and the records will show that only the Hon DA holds this accolade, but nonetheless HO and DA did discuss their Eddie-the-Eagle brotherhood ad nauseam over dinner; NM did not share in this enthusiasm.
And finally ...
In memory of days of yore, and in particular the BOTY 2005 Award (which posterity should record was unanimously awarded to PB at the AGM held at some dubious curry house in Hove) for his legendary (and unsuccessful) spoofing at the Nizam Curry House in North Uckfield, the remaining members returned to that memorable venue and performed in his honour a virtual spoof for the bill ... and, as luck would have it, PB lost again and is duly indebted to the other members to the tune of a modest £120 or so. A cheque will be fine.
Onwards Hoorahvians, onwards. NM has already nailed his colours to the Tilgate mast for the next official outing, and so the members should leave behind the foothills of Kent and contemplate the forests of mid-Sussex.
|
|
HO |
PB |
DA |
NM |
|
Front Nine (stableford) |
15 |
12 |
20 |
17 |
|
Back Nine (stableford) |
17 |
18 |
16 |
17 |
|
Overall (stableford) |
32 |
30 |
36 |
34 |
|
Gross score (18 holes) |
88 |
90 |
84 |
86 |
|
Gross score (5 par 3’s) |
+3 |
+3 |
+5 |
+3 |
|
EAGLE! |
|
|
1 |
|
|
Birdies |
1 |
0 |
1 |
0 |
|
Putts |
35 |
30 |
33 |
35 |
The winners for the meeting were therefore as
follows:
Front Nine: DA 20 points
Back Nine: PB 18 points
Overall: DA 36 points
Par 3’s: HO. PB, NM +3 (5 holes)
EAGLE DA 1
Birdies: HO, DA 1
Putts: PB 30
Each
player now puts £6 into the pot, £1 for each comp which are worth £4 each.
HO
£2
PB £8
NM £1
DA £13
Player
|
Exact H/C
|
Meddle
Score Today
|
Adj To H/C
|
New Exact H/C
|
New Playing H/C
|
OOM Before Game
|
OOM Points Today
|
OOM
After Game
|
|
HO |
13.4 |
+17 |
+1.2 |
14.6 |
15 |
1 |
3 |
4 |
|
PB |
13.2 |
+19 |
+1.8 |
15.0 |
15 |
3 |
4 |
4 |
|
DA |
12.6 |
+13 |
0 |
12.6 |
13 |
6 |
10 |
16 |
|
NM |
12.0 |
+15 |
+0.6 |
12.6 |
13 |
10 |
6 |
16 |