Liphook G.C.
30th January
2006
The first meeting of what is now a golfing institution (this is after all our second year) was held at the beautiful Liphook; full of pine and heather, unreadable greens, tricky par 3’s and long par 4’s.
As the intrepid quorum teed off, the humble burghers of Liphook could hear the sound of snorts and antlers locked echoing through the pine forests as another yearlong battle commenced for the coveted R.J. Four well struck tee shots on the first ripped towards their target exocet-like but horror of horrors R.J.Osler finds a filthy lie and has to content himself with a hack out and bogey. Sinatra Barnes not quite on song with his putter bogeys as well leaving the Maharajah and the Docteur eyeballing each other.
Significantly, ASBO makes light work of it and thus the pattern of the day is set.
Modesty forbids the writer from declaring the winner of the first 9 and the maker of the fewest putts at 16 but let the record show the long heralded return to form of the one they call the Omega Man. HUZZAH!(the naval version of Hoorah was adopted for the day in recognition of Nelson’s association with the club-apparently before he left these shores for the last time for Trafalgar he stopped off to tee it up at Liphook with a few of the crew or something like that…)
2006 being the inaugural year of the Doctor’s Putter, a careful eye was kept at the greenside as the best putter would the hallowed hickory hold aloft triumphant. Valise also faithfully recorded other stats for posterity.
One incident that repays the telling occurred on the 9th tee when our esteemed Stato, statistician to the Last Hoorah had what can only be called a “senior moment” and failing to count up to the required 4 ambled off in search of his ball leaving the other members on the tee looking on slack-jawed with the Omega man having yet to tee off. The cry “BUFFOON” was heard, it was said, in the three counties. Ah, a happy noise to hear! And so it was that our primus inter pares was awarded the first Buffoon of the season. Well done, R.J.
As sure as Spring follows Winter and a good bottle of 1939 Calvados can be had L’Hotel Du Vin so the wheels fell off the Aspey train to golfing Nirvana. Back to back blobs on the picaresque 11th and the S.I. 1 12th brought an end to my purple passage. But enough of my haemorhoidal problems and on with the story…The second 9 is a tale of the rise of the snake charmer for ASBO charmed his putter into 32 fine strokes. How will the other gentlemen of the Last Hoorah stop this man…ah yes I remember we organize the matches so he can’t attend. But if he makes all the fixtures this year, Gentlemen, we are doomed, Mr Mainwaring, doomed. My champagne moment was the Mighty M’s chip-in from the “slough of despond” at the perfidious 14th green. So difficult was this to read that Valise missed his 2 footer for his birdie and both HO and DA missed from similar distances. But it was The Laughing Maharajah who drank long and deep from the Rock’s new birdie hip flask. The first birdie of the year. Incidentally, those followers of L.H.G.S. trivia will note that the self-same snake charmer was the first to birdie in 2005.Mmmm.
Pauvre Valise, worse was to come. In a moment when the balance of his mind was disturbed the youthful crooner committed a schoolboy error and drove o.b. from the 15th tee. His next tee shot felt the full force of his ire but too late for the portable one. His chance had come and he’d failed to bag it.
And so a few breathtakingly gorgeous holes later (including the 17th where the doctor spurned a birdie chance) it was home to the shingle clad bungalow that is every retired Naval Commander’s dream home aka Liphook Clubhouse. As the pine trees cast their slender shadows o’er permafrosted greens guarded faithfully by heather fringed bunkers, we hailed a great victory for the Snake Charmer. The Omega man rallied to a second place-could do beta (groan) and a lost Louis Vuiton handbag was handed in third. R.J. brought up the rear but chin up ol’ chap, as Horatio Nelson and his chums might have said… worse things happen at sea.
|
|
HO |
PB |
DA |
NM |
|
Front Nine
(stableford) |
15 |
14 |
19 |
17 |
|
Back Nine
(stableford) |
14 |
16 |
14 |
19 |
|
Overall
(stableford) |
29 |
30 |
33 |
36 |
|
Gross score (18
holes) |
89 |
88 |
85 |
82 |
|
Gross score (4
par 3’s) |
+4 |
+4 |
+4 |
+3 |
|
Birdies |
0 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
|
Putts |
37 |
39 |
35 |
32 |
The winners for
the meeting were therefore as follows:
Front Nine: DA 19 points
Back Nine: NM 19 points
Overall: NM 36 points
Par 3’s: NM +1 (5 holes)
Birdies: NM 1
Putts: NM 32
Each player now puts £6 into the pot, £1 for
each comp which are worth £4 each.
HO £0
PB £0
NM £17
DA £4
Player
|
Exact H/C
|
Meddle
Score Today
|
Adj To H/C
|
New Exact H/C
|
New Playing H/C
|
OOM Before Game
|
OOM Points Today
|
OOM
After Game
|
|
HO |
12.0 |
+19 |
-1.4 |
13.4 |
13 |
- |
1 |
1 |
|
PB |
12.0 |
+18 |
+1.2 |
13.2 |
13 |
- |
3 |
3 |
|
DA |
12.0 |
+15 |
+0.6 |
12.6 |
13 |
- |
6 |
6 |
|
NM |
12.0 |
+12 |
0 |
12.0 |
12 |
- |
10 |
10 |