The Last Hoorah Golfing Society

 

Minutes of October Meeting

 

Date:              25 October 2005

 

Present:        HO, PB, DA, NM

 

Venue:          Lewes

 

 

Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, how is this day to be remembered?

 

·        A day when Mother Nature won 10 and 8

·        A day when the golf was at best mediocre, but the entertainment extreme; or

·        A day of crying “cunt” into the wind

 

Quorate once more, this fine society bared its cheeks to Hurricane Henry on the exposed slopes of the Lewes GC, to prove that this is more than a fair-weather society, more than a monthly jolly-up of target golf, and that the English really are quite, quite mad. The members were at least spared a drenching as the skies cleared of their pregnant load, but the winds raged up and down the valleys to shred those handicaps to pieces once more.

 

Late to the tee box, the returning Maharaja, with ne’er a practice swing, spliced the first fairway in an exhibition of links-like prowess. Perhaps it was the steely determination to reclaim the prized pole position in the HOOM, or perhaps it was the low centre of gravity which protected him from the gale force gusts – either way NM delivered a lesson in cunning golf, and a reminder of his intention to claim the inaugural title; whilst DA and HO served up a good helping of angel-rapers, the crafty Maharaja stabbed and punched the ball under the wind and amassed enough points on the front nine to secure another 10 points (just). All this despite a moment of great comedy (to all except possibly NM) on the par five 7th when, just 10 foot from the pin in two, NM managed to take a 7 as he left his chip above the hole and then four putted from 5 feet as his ball was blown around the slopes of the green.

 

PB was the only member to mount a serious challenge to NM with fashioned runs and punches, and overall a solid performance given the conditions, but he will probably be disappointed not to have gained maximum points on his home course in familiar conditions. Four points on the last 4 holes cost him the day.

 

HO was out of contention after the first 6 holes having amassed just 7 points, but did throw his putter high into the winds to a might shout of “Hoorah” as he made the only birdie of the day on the 7th – after watching NM four putt on the same green – and fair nearly made an eagle; a fair finish salvaged a back nine victory, but the day was one of damage limitation, and nicking a few crucial points in the HOOM.

 

And sadly, DA brought up the rear, ploughing his lonely furrow hither and thither, his tousled mane a reminder of the lion that once roared. His towering frame was buffeted as he rocked and jostled over the ball; he fought valiantly over the front 9, but in time-honoured fashioned faded on the back 9. There was no sign of his old hickory friend today, but he was unable to putt out to respectability, grossing the first 100 + in Hoorah history.

 

And so the weary members adjourned to the Harvey’s pub and then to a restaurant. NM might indeed have earned the much sought after buffoon-of-the-day award for his choice of bistro and especially loud laughter, save that for the first time in Hoorah history, the President’s putter must be notionally awarded to a non-participant – the bearded anorak with the ‘phone, sipping mineral water, who found the party’s discussion of tittie-bars and in particular NM’s laugh so overwhelming that he had to make a complaint. Congratulations, you prick, wherever you are!

 

And the results ...

 

 

HO

PB

DA

NM

Front Nine (stableford)

11

15

15

17

Back Nine (stableford)

15

14

8

13

Overall (stableford)

26

29

23

30

Gross score (18 holes)

96

94

103

95

Gross score (4 par 3’s)

+6

+3

+7

+5

Birdies

1

0

0

0

 

The winners for the meeting were therefore as follows:

 

Front Nine:                   NM                   17 points

Back Nine:                    HO                   15 points

Overall:                        NM                   30 points

Par 3’s:                                    PB                    +3 (4 holes)

Birdies:                        HO                   1

 

Handicaps & OOM

 

Player

Exact H/C

Meddle

Score Today

Adj To H/C

 

New Exact H/C

New Playing H/C

OOM Before Game

OOM Points Today

 

OOM

After Game

HO

15.0

+25

+3.0

18.0

18

55

3

58

PB

15.5

+23

+2.1

17.6

18

40.5

6

46.5

DA

18.8

+32

+5.2

24.0

24

38.5

1

39.5

NM

17.3

+24

+2.1

19.4

19

43

10

53

 

Other Business

 

Two meetings to go but with a team event and NM going away on 7 December, the two final chapters will have to be arranged promptly.

 

p/w/lh/10 - minutes – oct 2005